New Year, New Me?

On slow growth, new year's resolutions, and shit - I think my prefrontal cortex just developed.

I promise you can still make a beautiful life for yourself, even if you lost years of it to being sad.

It’s New Years Eve, 1999 and I’m at London’s first ever official fireworks display. It’s also my first ever too. Around me, as everyone welcomes in the New Year at midnight, I think about baby me in their innocence - not knowing that this was one of many few New Years I’d have without a long list of resolutions. It’s now 2025, and I’ve finally decided to free myself from any more ‘resolutions’.

I’m the type of person unfortunately that has fallen deeply down the self-improvement trend, always looking to be better than who I was before. Growing up watching all of my favourite YouTubers film endless ‘glow up with me’ videos, to now as an adult watching a constant stream of perfect chins, perfect teeth, and perfect lives parading around on every platform - self improvement is our generations drug of choice. Self-improvement books, podcasts, and seminars shoved forcibly down your throat. ‘Change everything about yourself in 30 days, it’s only 21 days to make a habit, transform your face with profile balancing filler’. Hating yourself is our sickness, but for just £9.99 a month they’re selling the solution. Is the most controversial thing you can do in today’s world just to like yourself?

It’s believed that New Year resolutions have been entrenched in us for around 4000 years, back when Ancient Babylonians would write a list of promises. Again, in 46 BC with the birth of a new calendar thanks to Caesar - January was named after Janus. A two headed God - one looking backwards. The common theme of our ancestors was to look back on the year gone and promise to be better. So, not much has changed for us. The most common goals people have are these:

1. Save money

2. Exercise more

3. Lose weight.

From 4000 years ago to today, I think it’s all about shaming ourselves from the last year. I’ll smoke less, I’ll eat less, I’ll be less - these promises we make to ourselves so how does New Year’s work when you actually do learn to like who you are?

If I wake up at 5:30am and spend an ungodly amount of money on a pilates membership, and get ready for the day and do everything in between - will that make me this person we all feel like we should be? I think this year, I’m happy with just being who I am. I love elaborate pinterest boards and goals, but I’m making promises with excitement not shame from who I’ve been.

My New Year’s Resolutions for 2025:

I am not perfect, but I think the point is to learn to love ourselves even so, not in spite of. I will not be more worthy of love if I lose a stone, or remember to drink 3L of lemon water or spend £50 on pilates. I like the idea of having resolutions around reading more, or doing a hobby each month, or spending more time with friends.

This year, I’ve got some loose goals and aspirations I’ve set for myself;

1. No More Superstitions

One place you’ll never see me on New Year’s is eating grapes under the table or purposefully wearing red underwear - I used to be big on superstitions worrying about whether or not I was going to get my karmic retribution from not doing what the TikTok tarot lady tells me to do. I’ve decided this year to free myself from these rules. If I’m going to get really rich or someone is going to fall in love with me, it won’t have anything to do with eating grapes.

(Editor’s Note: Except not stepping on three drains - that’s unfortunately too deeply ingrained in me.)

1. Less Shame.

I wonder how much of my life I have spent feeling ashamed. I have been ashamed of everything about myself at some point, 2024 was the first time I decided to try not being. Starting substack was one of the first times I did that, relaxing against your own truth and trusting yourself to speak out about things that bother you. I’ve never been good at nonchalance but sometimes I’ve been good at pretending - I think this is outdated.

2. Text Back More (or hate myself for it less)

As I’ve got busier and busier, my replies have gotten bad. Like a few days turning into weeks bad. One of my main goals was to get better at this but then I decided to return to my point above, we live in a world where everything is so instant - maybe it’s not the worst thing to slow down. I think to rephrase it, I want to see my friends in person more; go for coffees, host dinner parties, and not always have a constant stream of consciousness text thread.

3. Go On a Walk Everyday (or just remember I like it)

The relationship between a girl and her park is sacred. No matter where I’ve lived, I’ve always loved the park closest to me, and especially a nice bench that preferably overlooks a good hill. Even when I think about this as a statement, it slowly morphs into an unattainable standard; maybe I don’t need to go on a long walk everyday and hit 10,000 steps - I just need to remember I like it.

4. Live Slower

Living in London hasn’t helped this, but I find myself always pushing forward, wanting more and more till my teeth are bloody and my life stretched - this year I want to be kinder to myself, avoid burnout, and live slower. No quick fixes of deliveroo or dating apps.

Maybe this year, the most outrageous New Year’s resolution we can all make is to just like ourselves, as is. Whether we work on ourselves or start exercising, regardless we just decide we will be happy with who we are on our way to being whoever we become.

- Shit, I think my prefrontal cortex just developed.