"backwards is rarely the right decision" is such a banger of a line. i've never been tempted to break no contact but i have had others break it to talk to me, and even when i think it's fine and i'm ready to be conversational with them again, i get the same sinking feeling you described and it reminds me that leaving was the right choice. i'm on edge, i'm checking if they texted me back after i texted THEM back, etc. etc. i'm on board with every single thing you said and i'm loving your blog so so much.
Oh god I needed to read this right now. To remember him reaching out would not actually be the thing I hope it would be - it would be anxiety and stomach twisting doubt and probably awful. I needed to read this. X
On keeping exes hostages in your life long past when they’re meant to be there—I agree. I think it stops us from flowing with the seasonality of life as we stay intertwined with chapters from a past life. That’s one of the the beauties of not having instagram; you take the ebbs and flows of life as they come without having to question the ethics of unfollowing/blocking/muting people.
as someone who wrestled with going no contact - it felt like part of my soul was dying off at first - i can honestly say that it is the only decision that could truly lead to true freedom. loved the line "backwards is rarely the right decision"!!!!! amen to that
“Humans love our habits, we seek out familiarity and comfort. “ that hit hard, thank you so much for this piece, I’ve been going through a similar situation and it made me realise how we’re all just humans and sometimes it’s alright to miss them! I’m also currently on no contact but frankly speaking I think it’s for the best as it allows me to refocus my energy on myself and to heal💗
this such a great piece and a great idea! your advice is so well thought out and poignant, because it is so true that we chase the high and the not the person. i loved reading this🤍
This was such a good read in a way that it needed to be.
Sometimes, we miss the comfort of familiariaty, but we forget that they made us so unfamiliar to ourselves.
And we crave the attention they once gave forgetting that the only reason it was given was because we were the ones who gave it to them first.
We lose ourselves only to find us again after.
And once we removed them from a pedestal so high, we then see, they're really not that special.
I fear for my own feelings thinking they're too much but knowing you can translate this so well makes my feelings feel seen & validated but in a good way.
Nice post, Emilie. We crave closure, but rarely get it the way we want. We have all tried to trick ourselves into just randomly running into them, or remember that dish I left at their place, thoughts. Closure is never easy; you can't just turn off those feelings and still be you. Time really does help, but it is a messy, not fun place for a long bit :)
I love this so much! You wrote about this topic so well.
"It gets softer but sometimes it shifts into new shapes."
Relate 70000% to this whole article. "This was the real feeling I had been missing - the ups & downs, the dopamine chasing, the excuses. It made me remember how unhappy I was..."
We must have similar exes, or else this is just a very typical ex-type. That anxious-avoidant dynamic.
I have written a similar-veined piece to this, and it touched on a lot of this same stuff, but I've kept it unpublished...I think you do it better. This could easily slide into some online pub or magazine!
"backwards is rarely the right decision" is such a banger of a line. i've never been tempted to break no contact but i have had others break it to talk to me, and even when i think it's fine and i'm ready to be conversational with them again, i get the same sinking feeling you described and it reminds me that leaving was the right choice. i'm on edge, i'm checking if they texted me back after i texted THEM back, etc. etc. i'm on board with every single thing you said and i'm loving your blog so so much.
Oh god I needed to read this right now. To remember him reaching out would not actually be the thing I hope it would be - it would be anxiety and stomach twisting doubt and probably awful. I needed to read this. X
On keeping exes hostages in your life long past when they’re meant to be there—I agree. I think it stops us from flowing with the seasonality of life as we stay intertwined with chapters from a past life. That’s one of the the beauties of not having instagram; you take the ebbs and flows of life as they come without having to question the ethics of unfollowing/blocking/muting people.
as someone who wrestled with going no contact - it felt like part of my soul was dying off at first - i can honestly say that it is the only decision that could truly lead to true freedom. loved the line "backwards is rarely the right decision"!!!!! amen to that
“Humans love our habits, we seek out familiarity and comfort. “ that hit hard, thank you so much for this piece, I’ve been going through a similar situation and it made me realise how we’re all just humans and sometimes it’s alright to miss them! I’m also currently on no contact but frankly speaking I think it’s for the best as it allows me to refocus my energy on myself and to heal💗
Hooooly. a needed reminder
I absolutely loved every bit of this, what a great way to put it: that “mistake” was exactly what you needed.
no matter how hard it is, no contact truly is the only way to get your freedom and clarity back. deleting old conversations however... not there yet
this such a great piece and a great idea! your advice is so well thought out and poignant, because it is so true that we chase the high and the not the person. i loved reading this🤍
This was such a good read in a way that it needed to be.
Sometimes, we miss the comfort of familiariaty, but we forget that they made us so unfamiliar to ourselves.
And we crave the attention they once gave forgetting that the only reason it was given was because we were the ones who gave it to them first.
We lose ourselves only to find us again after.
And once we removed them from a pedestal so high, we then see, they're really not that special.
I fear for my own feelings thinking they're too much but knowing you can translate this so well makes my feelings feel seen & validated but in a good way.
Thank you!
Nice post, Emilie. We crave closure, but rarely get it the way we want. We have all tried to trick ourselves into just randomly running into them, or remember that dish I left at their place, thoughts. Closure is never easy; you can't just turn off those feelings and still be you. Time really does help, but it is a messy, not fun place for a long bit :)
Remember why you went no-contact is the BEST advice! I love this new newsletter idea Emilie -- you give the best advice!!
I love this so much! You wrote about this topic so well.
"It gets softer but sometimes it shifts into new shapes."
Relate 70000% to this whole article. "This was the real feeling I had been missing - the ups & downs, the dopamine chasing, the excuses. It made me remember how unhappy I was..."
We must have similar exes, or else this is just a very typical ex-type. That anxious-avoidant dynamic.
I have written a similar-veined piece to this, and it touched on a lot of this same stuff, but I've kept it unpublished...I think you do it better. This could easily slide into some online pub or magazine!